I can't explain this feeling. Its like the universe and god and all the people around me have finally alligned in a way that has shown me that there is a power greater than just mu will that is propolling me along my path. I was so sad, so hurt that he would cheat on me, say he loved me and just leave me and his son to fend for ourselves. But then I realized, this was the universe at its best.
Everythign happens for a reason is so easy to say, so easy to tell otehrs you believe in it. But nothing like yesterday or today has shown me just how true that saying is in life. The timing can be wrong, but meaningful. You can mess up with some guy and get a beautiful gift of a wonderful son out of it like I did, and then reconnect with an old friend and discover that maybe you were meant to be with him all along. That that experience was life making you stronger, in my case, life giving me what I needed to grow up and see the beauty in the world: Noah.
And yeah, just like freshman year of highschool I got cheated on and my heart broken and I moped around thinking it was all my fault and whatever would I do without him. Just like being fourteen again. But I am not fourteen. And I see now that the cosmic divinity of all this torment was to show me that there are good guys out there who have wanted to be with me for me, not for the sex or what they could get out of me, buut because in their eyes I am remarkable. Because in their eyes I am a potential path to happiness....
I always asked myself with the father of my child "why is love so hard? Is it meant ot be this way?" and then I realized, love is not supposed to be endless fights. It isnt supposed to be being so afriad to be without that person that you'd rather be miserable with them than lose them. But this is for the sake of both of our happiness. And I see that so clearly now.
Everythign happens for a reason. Everything. Even the bad.
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