Sunflowers.

My sister and I are very close. Although she is half of my age, she seems just as street smart and sassy as an 18 year old. Sometimes I'm amazed by the childish innocence she has, jealous of it almost. She is so sweet and simple. Everything in her mind has a solution, and when I am struggling with a problem she will tell me the solution without all of the social norms we all grow to accept.

I feel that I have done right by my sister(s and brother) in her life, and I suppose I feel this way because I did everything I could to teach her and love her her entire life. But my biggest regret is something I never had power to change. My beautiful baby girl met a boy I was dating, and loved him because I did. Then, after playing in the playground with him and drawing him pictures, I realized she had developed her own relationship with him that had nothing to do with me.

She loved him like a big brother, a love that was separate of my love for him. I thought it was beautiful... until I saw that our relationship as a couple was failing and the poor nine year old (at this point eight) was trapped in something socially uncomfortable and painful. As we broke up, and I cried and wallowed, my sister did too.

She asked every day where he was. And I had to explain to her why he wouldn't be coming around anymore. She didn't understand why he and I couldn't be friends, because, after all, we had been in love. Her innocent thinking provided the simple solution "call him and say sorry" but there was nothing I could say or do to convince her that it didn't matter what I said.

When her and I were driving and I got lost, she would say "Call Uriah and ask for directions," and I would start crying. She wrote him notes and asked me to give them to him for months, asked me to have him call her, asked for emails. I never gave him her letters, I didn't want to cause him more pain than needed, and he never emailed or called. Although she didn't understand it, she let it go as I began to shut it out and move on the best I could.

Last weekend, since my ex and I had been texting some, I bought my little sister a present of tickets to his concert. I drove her downtown, I watched them put the wristband on her, and watched her nearly shake with the anticipation of seeing him after nearly ten months of nothingness from him. I was feeling sick, dreading almost the behavior I knew I would have once I saw him. No looking, no talking, no emotion. Or else every text, every attempt at communication and "fixing" myself were down the drain.

When she saw him she sprinted across the room and hugged his middle, screaming "RIIIAAAAH" as she did so, and I smiled. Was it bad that I brought her? was it harmful? But she was so happy. She stood by him, occasionally running to me and dancing waiting for him to take the stage. When it was his turn she ran to him and said good luck and then found a spot in the very front. I took a seat on a stool to the back. She danced and looked up in awe, excitement flowing over all her little features.

Until, that is, she turned around and saw the look on my face as the second song he started singing rang around the room. It was "my" song. The one he wrote for me, but it was still his. He wrote it, so I don't know why I was so astonished at hearing it. She bit her lip and ran to me, patting my hand and saying "Don't cry hail." I didn't even know I looked like I was about to cry.

I smiled and looked up to see him looking at me as he sang. Of course, it all went through my head in one blurry i-want-to-run-away kind of motion, but I smiled every time my sister looked at me. I didn't say a word until she was done hugging him and saying her goodbyes, no doubt telling him to call her sometime.

I wish him and I were like nine year olds, and making up already so we can go back to playdates on the jungle gym and coloring book pictures. But I know better, and unfortunately I know there is no sheilding my sister from knowing the same, harsh truth one day.